celticbudd

opera this weekend

2006-02-02T22:30:14Z

Hey everyone, im currently doing a production of midsummer nights dream, by benjamin britten. I am performing this weekend, thursday and saturday at 8pm...please come and bring a friend...get tickets at:

Box Office: 617.912.9222

Box Office Hours: Phone sales are available Monday through Friday from 12-6 p.m., and on the weekends of ticketed mainstage performances, from 12 p.m. to one hour before curtain.

Walk-up Sales: Available one hour prior to performances.

http://www.bostonconservatory.edu/about/map_directions.html

We will be in the main theater which is located at 31 hemenway street in boston.

What a beautiful night...

2005-05-11T04:15:52Z

I was taking a walk to 7-11 for some cigarettes when I realized how absolutely beautiful it was...weather wise that is not 7-11...Its midnight, still, clear sky, wonderful temp...and I thought to myself what a perfect night for camping...So I thought id pose the question anyone wanna go camping in the near future?? Just for a weekend...no electricity or b.s. just relaxation, fire building, and looking up at the stars...Drop me a line if yer up for it...nothing set in stone as yet just trying to put something together before it gets too hot:) hugs

fuck it all to hell

2005-05-08T08:32:42Z

Perchè non posso trovare un lavoro? Odio questa merda! Dovrei muoversi dentro con i miei genitori. Almeno sarebbe un posto da nascondersi...ed io odiano gli uomini!!!

Couldnt have said it better myself...

2005-05-03T08:09:40Z

Just had my 25th Birthday, was a good one full of shakespeare.

And why not death rather than living torment?
To die is to be banish'd from myself;
And Silvia is myself: banish'd from her
Is self from self: a deadly banishment!
What light is light, if Silvia be not seen?
What joy is joy, if Silvia be not by?
Unless it be to think that she is by
And feed upon the shadow of perfection
Except I be by Silvia in the night,
There is no music in the nightingale;
Unless I look on Silvia in the day,
There is no day for me to look upon;
She is my essence, and I leave to be,
If I be not by her fair influence
Foster'd, illumined, cherish'd, kept alive.
I fly not death, to fly his deadly doom:
Tarry I here, I but attend on death:
But, fly I hence, I fly away from life.

Interview #2

2005-04-14T16:51:26Z

Well today is my second job interview...for Soverign Bank in the pru...im more nervous about this than i was about my solo carnagie debut...how fucked up is that. Hope to see some of you at karaoke tonight...buy me drinks cause im broke and without a job...hopefully that will change today at 2pm...one never knows! hugs:)

prom

2005-04-10T07:41:42Z

I attended my schools formal this evening...black tie was required however more than 3/4 came in jeans...so of course i felt completely overdressed...I got asked to take a friend of mine...female of course...and she kept trying to make out with me while we were dancing...man I hate that...

So I spent some time up on the top deck of the boat alone...it was a cruise around the harbor and such if I didnt mention that b4...so on top the deck where few dared b/c they thought it was freezing...i thought "well if you ate more you wouldnt be cold wouldya?"

Towards the middle of the evening i saw an old friend who gave me a kiss...now allow me to clarify "friend" in this context...the only guy from my school who i slept with last year...he called me fat in a round about way...yet im still attracted to him go figure. So back to the deck where I sat with my whisky and smokes enjoying the stars and the still peace of it all...towards the end of the cruise the guy came up and found me we had some excellent eye contact and conversation...i briefly thought god why am i so attracted to him...sigh anyhow

ive found myself lately kinda smitten with a particular person...hes a very cool guy who I am just gettin to know, we have a lot in common and did i mention hes hot...of course. However he has an attachment of sorts, i dont know the details but its more than friends but less than partner...so that means hes off limits...Just wish ,as im sure we all do, i could not have feelings for him...makes it so hard to be around and keep my hands off him...oh well cant always get what you want right?

yawn i just want to go to bed curl up with my pillows and remind myself being alone isnt so bad most of the time...its just times like this...couples and slow dances and shit like that...one of these days ill meet the right guy and things will work out...just gotta wait my turn...

hmmm

2005-03-24T17:24:37Z

I live for midnight phone calls and episodes of friends...man what an awesome night last night. Got out of rehearsal early came home ate pizza spent time erasing my old screen name and e-mail files...btw my new e-mail is:

mattcam80@gmail.com its also my new aim.

I miss being able to relax...i woke up, decided against going to class...now im gettin ready for a meeting and maybe lunch with some friends...more later im sure now its time for coffee:)

celticbudd @ 2005-03-23T04:13:00

2005-03-23T09:13:50Z

I once again have no idea where to begin...Jesus where is Julie andrews when you need her!?!?

I can't sleep for all the whirling crap in my head so i find myself once again writing it down...thats what the multitude of therapists have said to do...

I keep fucking up at work, so I've had this sudden idea to quit my job and get a new one...well not so sudden...ive been thinking about it for quite some time now...but never followed through...the fact i've been with them for 5 years and make rather decent money has stopped me...but shouldnt my happiness count more than money or a job? The new jobs ive been applying for are well for lack of a better phrase shit jobs...that are way beneath my skill level...but they seem like so much fun...working as a host in a fancy resturant...i mean anyone can say "Hi welcome to (insert resturant name here) how many in your party?" can't be that difficult...so therefore the pay is crap...i wont be able to handle my bills on that money...not that im paying them now...but shhh we wont mention that

I am deciding to kinda put school on hold for a while, go part time and stick to the classes that give me real opera expierence rather than a teacher screaming at me about how i missed their class and how that makes me a rude and ignorant child...i mean c'mon people you're about 5 seconds older than I am...lets talk about jealousy much just because I have a better voice and chance for a carrear and you're stuck teaching at this fucked up conservatory???

Speaking of fucked up...im in an opera right now that requires me to have facial hair thats rather unusual for me...thats right folks i've got mutton chops...like big hairy victoiran era mutton chops...no mustache, just the chops and a soul patch on my chin covering up the scars from my fucked up youth...doesnt look bad necessarily but just not my look...so i put my ear rings back in b/c i figure shit if im gonna feel like crap i might as well complete the berklee look of a pot head who eats too much...(break to light a smoke)

sigh what to do, leave my job run outta money, end up moving in with my parents or dying on the street...i mean is that even possible?? I want to run away as usual...makes things easier...so im gonna stay here in boston, the most expensive city in the freakin country and make 10$ an hour sittin people down to eat overpriced sea food...can't wait for that one...lets just get the neon sign out "poor starving opera singer" now so i can have it ready when i walk home from here to levittown...I was just as scared when i left borders...tho borders had its own book of issues but that was 5 years ago...at that time i didnt care about my future i just cared about turning 21 so i could go have red deaths at the pub with my friends without sneaking around behind linda the bartenders back...i know she has a last name but i dont know it so its linda the bartender from the pub...

my wrist hurts its now 4am I have class in 3 hours, which ill probly sleep through and this nasty cycle of irresponsibility will continue...HELP!

Just realized...I havent done my taxes yet...thats a bad thing...I'll have to do them on Sunday when I have off from my crazy busy rehearsal schedule...ugh

Sleepless in Boston

2005-02-15T14:42:39Z

Well I've been reading over the recent journal posts that I have so obviously neglected as of late. And I realized...I'm not very good at communicating with written words...when I speak things flow very well...when I write its like a jumbled mass of bad impressionistic art all over the floor...random and totally wrong...so I apologize to intelligent people out there who write so well...I'm a musician and speak 5 languages, you keep the rules of grammer straight...

Beyond all that I havent slept in 2 days...exactly 48 hours...why you may ask? Its called video games...I can't pull myself away from it...this whole thing reminds me of 2 friends I had...one played video games until the sun came up and then played some more...the other watched him play and bitched, they both lost out on some valuable time together and I believe they even stopped speaking for periods of time because of it...To think this is how I have chosen to spend my last few months as a 24 year old...hidden away like a hermit in my cave of jazz and city of heroes...since i quit drinking this is all I have to escape to...this internet cafe in my room...

I have had some rough times this past few months, work has screwed me over, school has screwed me over, i was mugged, and robbed, and beat up...I'm not the same person I used to be...why can't I go back to the nights i went for long drives in my lush comfy car (okay so its old but ask anyone who's driven in her shes a sleepmobile, they all nod off, maybe its the company?) anyhow...The nights I would drive around with joni or the indigo girls and my friends...we'd end up at the beach watching the sunrise I'd wake up for work and things would be right as rain...fresh and new...sounds like a bad disney song...anyhow...I want those times back dammit...I demand to have my friends spend time with me and want to hang out with me...but here I am hauled away in this wasteland of jazz, snow, and city of heroes...while everyone else hurrys along with their lives as if nothing has changed...yet I am so different on the inside...ramble ramble ramble...I have changed and my friends changed, but we didn't change together...its all come undone...i miss you all so terribly somedays it makes my cry...somedays i just play video games until I pass out at the keyboard hoping that the scenery will change and a new character in this drama of mine will appear with some form of hope.

Thats an interesting word...Hope...

work

2005-01-21T17:27:56Z

Well now that I am back in school, and working at the same time with rehearsals, i feel a little less like a waste of space and a little more like a productive human. This morning I got an e-mail regarding our new review process at work, considering the fact I am not a productive employee like I used to be I feel a little bit apprehensive about this process overall. Its just much more strict...the thing is when I began with this company it was very small, and it has grown into a larger more 'corporate' inviornment without me being a part of that world...very interesting dynamic...so I need to step up my work ethic to make sure I dont get fired...part of me wants to quit and go get a job waiting tables or something completely unrelated to the corporate world....I just dont know if I could do it without losing my mind...sigh

Therapy

2004-12-07T05:40:12Z

So i went for a follow up with the lovely lady who gives me my drugs...prescription that is...and she mentions something about me being an alcoholic...so of course i try to be demure and not get defensive...she literally talks for about 20 minutes about how its going to kill me unless i quit drinking completely...she said im a classic binge drinker and am addicted to it..."youre an alcoholic, say it with me" my first instinct was to be a smart ass and say "youre an alcoholic" but instead I said "im not an alcoholic, im a drunk alcoholics go to meetings"...she didnt laugh...im not a binge drinker...i do drink and sometimes heavily but by definition binge is A drunken spree...anyone who has seen me drink at the bars knows its not a 'spree' and i RARELY get drunk...so fuck her

random

2004-12-06T05:24:51Z

more conversations should start with "i was researching mormons"...

My Junior Recital

2004-11-28T17:43:39Z

Come hear my junior recital, Saturday december 4th at 4pm.

Location: The Boston Conservatory concert room--8 The Fenway, Boston MA 02215

I sent out an e-vite, however I dont have many of your e-mail addy's so theres the info...

I'm gonna go to a lil bar/resturant afterwards for drinks...its cute but doesnt have a full bar, only wine and beer...so I invite you there as well directly following the performance.

Location: Woodys, Hemenway st. Dont worry I'll lead a group of people to the bar...im good at that...

hugs, hope everyone has a great weekend/week.

audition

2004-11-22T02:34:50Z

Well despite the fact that I drank my ass off last night and cheated on my non smoking campaign...i sang my ass off today at my recital and for my 2 auditions. Its funny how things work out even if you dont think they will...I felt really good about the singing and the auditioning, first time in a long time i've been happy with my work...it feels awesome...time to take these contacts out and get comfy.

holy shit

2004-11-17T16:59:18Z

NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - Kmart is buying Sears, Roebuck & Co. for $11 billion in a deal that will marry two of the nation's oldest but troubled retailers into the No. 3 retail chain.

http://money.cnn.com/2004/11/17/news/fortune500/sears_kmart/index.htm?cnn=yes

pre-recital jitters

2004-11-17T03:39:40Z

okay, so I got my first OH MY GOD about 10 minutes ago regarding my recital...

Last week during my lesson my teacher asked me "is the boston bear community coming to your recital again like last time?" and I said that yes I had extended the invite to my friends again of course I would love it if any/all of you could come...and then tonightI was talking with my mom on the phone, and she says "your father and i are coming up for the recital". Now my father has never seen me perform professionally, actually he hasnt seen me sing since highschool...so i think hes in for a bit of a shock...not to mention the fact that he hates I'm gay...well there are going to be not only the oodles of fags that go to my school, but my teacher, myself, and possibly my friends most of which are gay...I hug my friends and kiss a lot of them, they're my friends why shouldnt I...ummm my dad is gonna hit the roof...what if he causes a scene, or tries to throw down...i dont know what to do...i know this may all sound unfounded and stupid, but think about it...he does love me, but i know he isnt okay with my being gay...i dont need his acceptance, but i also dont want him to feel im shoving my 'gay life' down his throat...god i need to say "fuck him its my life he doesnt like it he can go fuck himself" but im still a lil worried...ugh

Which to choose?

2004-11-15T01:18:46Z

Well i've decided that I need to join a gym, now that my bike was stolen, I can no longer do much cardio out of bed without some sort of equiptment, and since my apartment is kinda small Id rather not buy a rowing machine or something like that. Instead i'm gonna join a gym...but how does one pick a gym to join? I've never really gotten over the fact that I feel akward in those places...like people are judging me...mostly its just me judging myself...but I really need to do something physically active...

I thought about a group sport like rugby or joining an indoor volley ball team or something...but i need something I can do whenever I have time, like a yoga class or spinning something even a step machine would be better than the boring yoga tapes I have at home...I think Im gonna do the week free trial at BSC. They are prolly more expensive than most places, but I can use the gyms back in philly too, and since there is one not far from my office that would give me an excuse to leave the office for a couple hours...lol Of course I dont go home to philly very often...so maybe a cheaper alternative is needed. I looked into the YMCA...its 50$ a month, bsc is only 70$ a month, honestly the Y is like 10 blocks from my place and the bsc is like 2...so im more apt to go to the closer gym being that i'll have all my energy robbed from me by the end of it...esp when it gets colder. So thats point two for the bsc... I dont have any workout partners, but im not sure id want to work out 'with' anyone anyway...mostly wanna do cardio...im not interested in becoming a muscle queen...just lookin to stay healthy even tho I am a big guy...i eat well and exercise regularly...who are you to judge!!! lol

A good friend of mine offered to let me use her gym in her building, she lives in a swanky apartment complex over by the christian science center...but it'll have to be on her schedule...tho it would be free...so I think i'm gonna do that...try it out for a bit...she lives wicked far from me...prolly a half hour walk...and then do an hour of cardio and a half hour walk home...that does sound a lil ridiculous... but i dunno....thoughts?

Amstel Light

2004-11-14T05:45:59Z

Tonight was spent at the Ramrod drinking amstel light and being ignored by the droves of queeny men dressed up in leather. Its interesting how the oldest/ugliest guys hit on me and actually expect me to leave with them...i always talk to them when they say hello, or whatever line they use, lets face it you never know how karma will deal you a bum hand if you dont...but honestly to think that someone who shows little to no interest will take you home suprises me...wish I could understand it all...i hate gay men sometimes...as much as str8 men upset me...at least they are forthright (sp) with their judgments and opinions...im gonna go watch a romantic comedy and curl up with my many pillows...perhaps that will make me feel better...i miss my friends from home...blair, bill, steph, erin, pat, ed, mike, mike, toby, etc etc etc...wish you guys were here...then at least I know, even if I wasnt gonna get laid, that I would have some fun...

WTF

2004-11-11T02:01:41Z

My bike was stolen earlier this evening...I was in my pre-recital hearing trying to pass these fucking classes and do everything right and then what happens...someone steals my bike...ya know what I wouldnt be suprised if I got raped before this year is out, the way my life is going...fucking assholes...and here I am trying to be a good buddhist, to accept people despite the fact that they are different than I am, to not judge people...well what the fuck! when does it end, when does this bull shit finally leave my life and let me have some time off...i mean honestly!

IBR

2004-11-10T17:40:12Z

So ive been invited to IBR in feb. by about 40 people, all of which have offered to let me stay with them in some form or another...I could prolly swing together airfare if I really wanted to...not to mention money to drink with...god thats prolly more than the airfare...but still I wonder if I should go...i mean im luscivious...but getting laid a couple times a day?? damn thats pushing it even for me...i suppose these trips are meant for things like that...i just dunno...only time will tell...

lunch

2004-11-09T16:24:19Z

Ever realize how many resturants and types of food there are to choose from for lunch, yet it seems like dinner is limited to mcdonalds and pizza....why is that...off to have mexican...changed my mind on the way over:) heheh

Just finished my last class, now im relaxing until my theory tutoring session. I craving cream soda...mmmm later:)

Eddie

2004-11-09T08:38:25Z

So I went out earlier and bought a DVD from Virgin mega store, as it was the only store that carried this movie…it’s one I used to watch as a kid…thoroughly modern Millie is the name of it…completely awesome Julie Andrews musical…

After watching the DVD it was around 3am…I signed online to check my mail and who was on but my x Ed. I’ve been talking to him a lot lately…I miss him quite a bit, more than Id like to miss someone…I think I’m in love with him still…we broke up just before I came back to school…he just stopped talking to me, didn’t even bother to tell me why. But after some time I got an e-mail apologizing to me and kinda explaining that he needed to take care of his own shit. So naturally I’m wary of getting involved with him again, but it just seems like such a great idea…I guess my emotions are so wrapped up in this I can’t make a logical decision about it…I suppose love isn’t supposed to be logical…its not black and white no matter how hard I try to make it a simple issue its complex…I can hear his voice and smell his cologne, me curled up in his arms watching a movie…fall asleep together on his couch content…it all happened so fast last time.

Our second date: I invited him to go to the Race Street Café down in CC. It was raining, just a light rain nothing dramatic…and he hadn’t brought an umbrella…so being the gentleman I am I let him huddle under mine…we walked together to the café, sat at a quiet corner table and ate dinner, shared desert and a bottle of wine…it was like a scene from a movie. I walked him back to his truck and kissed him good night…everything was perfect…I’ve never had that feeling of completeness in my life…makes me want to leave school and go back to Philly to be with him…I won’t of course but still it would be awfully romantic.

Last week he wanted to go to longwood gardens and we were chatting online…He had no one to go with him…and I actually found myself looking up airfare and planned to go down…something stopped me…I don’t know if it was my logical side or something else, but I cancelled my flight and told him my boss wouldn’t give me the time off I needed to fly down…which was completely untrue…but it also seemed like a scene from a movie…someone asks you to be with them and without thinking there you are, overcoming the red sox victory parade to get to the airport, rushing, heart racing, palms sweating…shouldn’t that count for something? Shouldn’t that mean that we belong together…I wish it did, or maybe I hope it does…I just needed to get this out as its 4:30am and I cannot sleep because it is in my head…

He calls me ‘honeybear’…which ironically is the name of my first teddy bear my folks gave me when I was born…to this day I cant sleep without it in my bed…even when I travel to Europe I’ve brought it with me. I found myself lying in bed awake thinking of going on ‘buildabear.com’ to make him a bear, name it honey bear and ship it to him so he could have ‘me’ close to him even though I am 300 miles away…Its nights like this I miss having Joe around to talk me out of stupid things…I haven’t spoken with him in over 3 months…wont return my phone calls…now I’m not returning any phone calls I get…Meghan has called me 8 times in the past couple days, sounding worried, and I haven’t called back mostly because I’m so crazy busy right now…but also because I feel like I need to get through the next week on my own…to know I can overcome obstacles like the drama and stress of this week without someone by my side…though I wish Ed was by my side…one day one day one midnight gone…

Quote of the day: opportunity is not a lengthy visitor...

okay

2004-10-28T12:57:42Z

So everyone knows im not the biggest baseball fan in the world. I'm super happy for the sox for kicking some ass and winning, not trying to be a front runner just giving credit where its due. I have to say tho, on a more personal note, im fuckin happy as shit that they won....all classes today got cancelled!!!! WOOO HOOO anyone wanna hang out? lol

hugs

Well...wow what can I say, i was completely wrong...school was not cancelled due to the red socks...it was because one of the students at school died from bacterial menengitis...i feel like such an ass for being happy about having the day off from class...Luckily I've been immunized and had no contact with this student since the first day of school...so im not at risk...sigh...what a way to put life into perspective...

school

2004-10-27T15:52:12Z

I slept for 16 hours last night!!! Now im hanging out with friends in the computer lab of the libraray at school...after eating Wendys supervalue menu in its entierty:) What an awesome day...lets hope it stays that way...hugs ill catch you all later!! I think I'll go to barstucks and get some nilla-chai!!

shrug

2004-10-26T19:10:05Z

Thank you once again kevin...your addiction has now become my replacement for smoking...mmmm vanilla chai...oh where have you been all my life...big hugs to you for that one...i owe you something Kev;) Without the aforementioned barstucks id be dead on my feet today...

On a completely different note...fuck this shit...I had some friends at one period in time that cared about me...I havnt spoken to them since before august...if not earlier...namely Joe among others, but ill focus on joe for now...i know hes alive as he writes in his LJ all the time...but why once again has he cut me out of his life? Why am I still upset about it? Why is he acting like a child...he did this once before when Lori was all up his ass...so im wondering if its another girl who has declared that I'm a bad influence...or perhaps if he himself thinks so little of me and the times we spent together...he changed my life and made me laugh in some of the hardest times of my life...I wish him nothing but the best, but honestly I dont think we will ever speak again...Non desidero dire questo, comunque sono alimentato in su con la gente che non lo desidera nelle loro vite. Pace fuori!